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The Survival Guide to Dating Introverts


There’s a lot of conflicting information about what it means to be an introvert. Popular misconceptions include the belief that introverts are always socially anxious, shy, and awkward. Introverts are often the life and soul of the party when they come out of their hermit crab shell; they merely need less social time than others. Extroverts fuel their energy by being around other people, while introverts are energy sponges; they find themselves drained and in need of solitude after socializing.

The Survival Guide to Dating Introverts


Dating introverts can be challenging, especially when you struggle to overcome the natural feelings of rejection when they blow off your date night to watch videos of cars, for example. The most valuable survival tip for dating introverts is to understand and learn not to take their behavior personally; their desire for isolation is no reflection on you.

#1. Have an exit strategy.

Social gatherings will drain your introvert. Discuss an escape plan in advance of parties and social gatherings so that they can signal when they’re ready to leave.

#2. Frustration gets you nowhere.

It’s natural to question your introvert’s feelings for you when they avoid spending time with you for days or even weeks. The worst thing you can do is get frustrated and start pressuring them to see you; this almost always leads to introverts pulling away and ghosting you to avoid conflict. Introverts can come across as selfish human beings; they are used to living alone in their paradise of seclusion governed by their own rules. Once you learn not to take it personally, you’ll find that they are more enthusiastic about carving out time in their schedule to spend with you.

#3. Be quiet together.

While their social batteries recharge, you can still enjoy spending time together, quietly. Introverts generally enjoy reading. Physical touch via hands or feet while you both read or work is still bonding time.

#4. Give them space.

Introverts tend to be overthinkers; they will withdraw from you and shut down emotionally when things become too much. Learn to recognize the signs and give them space.

#5. Focus on yourself.

Instead of obsessing over why they suddenly don’t want to see you for days or even weeks at a time, focus on yourself. Once you realize how much more time you have for work, travel, hobbies or socializing, you’ll learn to appreciate your introvert’s demand for withdrawal rather than resenting it.


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