Watching The Hunting Ground, a documentary on sexual violence throughout college campuses in the United Stated, I felt probably every feeling imaginable. When you hear that sexual violence has always been a part of the college experience, it’s easy to feel angry and frustrated with the world. Then, Lady Gaga performed at the Academy Awards and asked survivors featured in the film to join her on stage. When that curtain lifted and that box opened up, I was reminded that perseverance and strength exists in all of us. The human spirit is capable of overcoming obstacles and surviving. I was so moved by the presence of the survivors on stage, I couldn’t help but applaud their strength. Last week, I had the opportunity to interview Ibis Valdes, one of the survivors on stage with Lady Gaga. She is a sexual assault advocate and below is her story.
With all taboo surrounding sexual violence, especially on college campuses, what gave you the courage to stand up to your abuser and speak out about your own personal experience?
Honestly, the strength to stand up just came from within; having grown up in a dysfunctional home punctuated time and again by emotional and physical abuse, neglect, and a bitter divorce that underlined it all, I’ve always had a strong conviction to go against the grain and do the right thing, at no matter what cost. I knew that if I had let my perpetrator run away without consequence, he would hurt another victim. And I couldn’t stand to be at fault when I had the power to prevent a repetition of the abuse and suffering I went through.
What was your school’s reaction to what happened to you when you turned to the administration?
My school’s reaction was quite frankly mixed; in some aspects, Northeastern University was prepared and trained to process an intake of a report of sexual abuse. The police team that did my intake was specially trained to not victim-blame or skew the interview in any way; even today, I still commend both officers who handled my case for employing great tact and empathy, and for validating all the way through even when they questioned my abuser. They were a great support in addition to being a key element of the process.
However, the office of Student conflict and resolution (OSCCR) did insensitively tell me that “I filed my report too late” in late March/early April (because yes I scheduled my assault later than I should’ve?!?) and that I’d have to wait until the beginning of the next semester to address the report at a student judifciary hearing. I had to sit, wait, and wallow in depression and anxiety for 5 months. During that time, things boiled over, students had a chance to retaliate against me online, and I had to sit and bear both friends and family leaving my side before I arrived with what I had left to the hearing in September.
How did you get involved with ‘The Hunting Ground’?
I got involved in The Hunting Ground because in 2013 I was elected as Director of Communications to Northeastern’s Feminist student chapter. Since I had access to the master e-mail account, I got an email saying that some producers were looking to produce a documentary about sexual assault culture on US college campuses. Already having seen “The Invisible War,” (a prior documentary that explored sexual assault culture in the US military), I knew that they were the perfect team to grant an interview to. I emailed them back, said I was both a survivor and activist of the subject and that I’d be happy grant an interview. I did, and the rest is history.
When Lady Gaga reached out to you to join her on the Academy Awards stage, what was your initial reaction?
I did not expect the documentary, however, to reach the level of recognition that it did. Three years after granting my interview, I heard that Lady Gaga and Dianne Warren had contributed a song to the film “Til It Happens To You,” which I knew meant big news someway, somehow. I did not know the song was nominated for an Academy Award until Gaga’s team contacted me saying that she decided to invite survivors and activists on stage with her as she performed the song. I found out barely a week prior, and I could not contain my shock. I was elated and overwhelmed and stressed thinking how was I going to get over to LA from Costa Rica on such short notice. Thankfully, I worked out a deal with the producers for them to give me lodging if I paid for my flight. It was a done deal, and I was on my way to Hollywood to meet Lady Gaga and the rest of the survivors.
Seeing all the survivors on stage was so moving. How did it feel to be up there surrounded by fellow survivors?
That entire weekend, being surrounded by survivors was one of the best feelings ever. I was surrounded by people who just *understood* my dual journey of pain and recovery. For the first time in a while, I didn’t feel any need to over-justify or explain myself. People simply knew and accepted me. I was also excited to make connections with survivors who were working in the field of advocacy to deepen my web of connections of people involved in speaking out against injustice, which is the other reason why I went besides being witness to the glamour and notoriety of the Academy Awards.
What would you like to say to other women who aren’t ready to speak out about their own experience with sexual violence?
I would tell other survivors who are not ready to tell their stories, men and women alike, is that YOU set the pace for your own recovery. If you want to report, or do not want to people should respect YOUR decisions. Oftentimes outsiders, even with the best of intentions, will pressure a survivor to make x o y decisions rashly, but in reality the survivor has to sustain constant internal dialogue with themselves in order to be HONEST about what they can bear and what they can’t. Reporting is a great way to attempt to bring justice both legally and personally, but it can be very traumatic and in some cases dangerous without the proper resources to protect the victim and their loved ones.
Well said, Ibis. Thank you for reaching out and thank you for your fearless strength. Women like you set an example of strength and resilience.
For more information on how to seek help post sexual trauma, head to RAINN. You don’t have to suffer alone, find counseling. Your support system is close by. Reach out to those close to you.
