Guest Blogger: Shannon Kaiser | www.playwiththeworld.com
Have you ever heard of a”dating detox?” I put myself on one about a year ago, when it seemed as if I kept dating the same type of man…the kind that was completely wrong for me.
I told myself that my latest guy was right for me, but just like every other relationship I was extremely lonely.
In my last serious relationship, I started to notice my patterns; for the first time in 16 years of dating, I saw that the men that I picked were not the problem, the problem was me, and my views about romantic love.
As much as I said I wanted to be with “The One,” inside I felt unworthy, unloved and ugly. Naturally, I would meet a man, we would fall madly in love, and soon enough the arguing would begin, and then I would feel a need to protect myself. So I would turn to the only thing that wouldn’t argue back – food! I literally ate my feelings.
In relationships I was like a puffer fish; when I felt threatened, I expanded. After gaining over 50 pounds in my last relationship, I was forced to recognize that my physical weight was merely a manifestation of my inner turmoil and that something had to change.
Staying with someone because of what you “hope you can be” is not a valid reason to be in a relationship. I would fall victim to the high hopes of a more positive future, all while ignoring the turmoil in the present.
Although my weight was at its all time high, I was at my all time low. I became depressed, and the depression grew into self-hatred, pity and denial.
Obese, engaged in a disappearing act of self-esteem, and exhausted from fighting all the time, I picked up my shattered pieces and moved on to a hopeful, healthier future. I left everything I knew behind with one clear intention…to fall in love with the one person who truly matters in my life, me!
Over the past year I have made it my full time mission to become more authentic and connected to my true self.
If we don’t truly love ourselves, no romantic partnership can ever fill that void.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, I am surprised that I am happier than I have ever been. My weight is returning to normal and I feel more connected and in love with myself than I ever felt when I had a romantic Valentine.
Many people suffer this time of year because they wish they were in relationships. If you find yourself longing to be a couple because of Valentine’s Day, these tips can help you.
How to Enjoy Valentine’s Day When You Are Single
Tackle Your Dream List
Remember, being single and happy is far better than being in a relationship that is wrong for you. You can choose to feel love by tapping into your own self worth and doing what you love daily. I always tell clients, do one thing your future self will thank you for. When you are single, it is a perfect time to start checking things off your bucket list. Book a solo trip to that place you have always wanted to go, learn that new language, take that cooking class, do what has been in your heart, but you have never given yourself permission to tackle. Now is the best time to do what you love, and do it daily.
Feel Your Feelings
Many of us ignore our feelings. We tend to work over them, to drink, eat, workout, or whatever else over them. When you feel lonely say out loud “I feel lonely!” You may be surprised how fast your emotions can work through you. Rather than avoiding your feelings and numbing out with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, by acknowledging and owning your feelings, you can process them and move from loneliness, to sadness, to contentedness, and on to happiness much faster.
Fall in Love with Yourself
Just because you are single doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. Valentine’s Day tends to bring out all the insecurities that we ignored from past relationships. If you are alone this holiday, remember it doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. You can surround yourself with friends who lift you up. Use this time to do what you love and practice self care.
Staying or getting into a relationship because it is convenient, safe or familiar is not a reason to stay together. To cultivate a powerful expression of passionate love you must first practice loving yourself fully.
Although Valentine’s Day can be kind of depressing if you don’t have a Valentine, I know from experience it can also be a lot of fun, so focus on the positives rather than dwelling on the negatives. Then you will be happy to be your own Valentine. After all, you sparkle just being you.