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Do You Keep Falling For the Wrong Man?

Guest Blogger:  Shannon Kaiser |

Even though I have been single by societies standards, I have spent the majority of this past year emotional invested in someone, thinking that it would lead to real lasting romance. When you are full of desire, the rose colored glasses are pretty much super glued to your face, at least they were for me. True to my nature, I ignored every red flag, often reading into texts more then I should have. Or playing up situations in my mind, assuming the other person was on the same page.

After leaving a romantic relationship almost a year ago, I declared my self-single and happy, but secretly hoping my new love interest would take note. Months later I am still waiting for the man I thought, “could be the one” to notice me. If you are waiting for anyone to change, or notice you, move on! Quickly, run away as fast as you can. If a man you like tells you he hasn’t found what he’s looking for, that doesn’t give you permission to read into his message. He is not secretly hoping you declare you are his other half. He means what he says. Maybe he is still hung up on “the one that got away” and you waiting around for him to see your awesomeness is wasting your precious time. The longer you hangout in “hopefulville” the longer it will be take until Mr. Right can get to you.

In recognizing that I have been emotional obsessed with unavailable men, I had to ask myself, why am I attracted to men who aren’t ready to commit? Why do I keep repeating this pattern? My inner voice chimed in and said, “We only accept the love we think we deserve.” If you find yourself wrapped up in an emotional unavailable person, it’s okay. The best thing to do is get clear about your desires and let the person go. In doing this, you can make space for the right person. You are amazing and perfect just the way you are. Don’t allow anyone in your life to make you feel different.

Here are five signs that you may be attracted to an emotional unavailable person.

1. You Give More Then You Get

When dating or investing your time with an emotional unavailable person you may find yourself giving a lot more then you get. Whether you buy gifts, pay for dinner ALL the time, or they never say thank you, you are really never going to see the return on your investment. Do not wait around hoping they will change and suddenly shower you with flowers, love and attention. Do yourself a favor and move on quickly.

2. They Are Never There for You

Whether you have a work event, a new promotion to celebrate or a book release party, if the person you care about isn’t showing up to support you then they are emotionally closed off. People who really care will make it happen and show up for you…no matter what.

3. They  Don’t Communicate or Only Use Text

If your love interest doesn’t pick up the phone or give you a clear answer when you talk this is a red flag. If they only use text message to communicate with you this is another red flag. People who are into you will make the effort to get off their lazy bones and call you. Because you are worth it and they respect you.

 4. They Only Have Excuses 

If you try to make plans with an emotional unavailable person, it is like trying to catch a fish with your bare hands, slippery and frustrating. They may be busy, tired, stressed overworked, broke whatever the reason, their excuses mean they are not open to long lasting love or an intimate connection at this time. Move along.

5. They Talk About Their Past A LOT

If you find yourself in love with an emotional unavailable person, red flags pop up all the time. The one most women skip over is the way and how often they talk about their ex’s. If there is any animosity, anger or sadness surrounding their ex’s they have not healed completely. Furthermore if you find yourself listening to a broken record of how they can’t go certain places because of their ex, or her name pops up in every conversation, the dude is not ready to commit. Don’t just leave the situation, sprint away as fast as you can.


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