Guest Bloggers

Getting Through Valentine's Day When You Are Recovering From A Break Up


Guest Blogger:  Shannon Kaiser |

I went to a party last weekend, and every single person there was part of a couple. I didn't think much about it until I left the party, but soon enough, feelings of insecurity, loneliness and boredom set in. The last time I saw many of those couples; I too was part of a partnership. All I kept thinking about was how the relationship I was in didn't work, and they all seem so happy and "in love," far from where I was.

Since Valentine's Day is here, the notion of being single seemed to amplify in my brain. But lucky for me I didn't hang out in the pity party for too long. I quickly stopped feeling sorry for myself, and recognized that just because I was the one who was alone, doesn't mean that I am ALONE. Since my break up, I have made it my main focus to become more authentic and connected to my true self. If we don't truly love ourselves, no romantic partnership can even fill that void.

As Valentine's Day arrives, I am thrilled that I am happier than I have ever been. This year, I feel more connected and in love with myself than ever. Many people suffer this time of year because they wish they were in relationships. It seems to be even harder for those of us who are still recovering from a break up. If your heart is still healing this Valentine's Day, these tips can help you. Remember disappointment can be a blessing in disguise and being single is not a bad thing.


Getting Through Valentine's Day When You Are Recovering From A Break Up

Forgive Yourself

After my last break up, I spent a lot of time being angry. When his name would come up I would get mad and lash out at others. What I realized is I was not mad at him, but the anger was unprocessed emotions stirring deep inside me. I was really mad at myself. I was anger that I couldn't make it work, I was mad that I stayed with someone who was wrong for me for so long, and I was furious that I have to "try" again at finding love. The person who needed tender love and care was me. When you work on self-love and forgiving yourself, eventually peace will come.

Don't Compare Yourself to Other Couples

Part of the pitfall of Valentine's Day is it seems to put a spotlight on those who are in love. If you are single, it is easy to feel as if you are on the outside looking in. Comparing ourselves to others is a nasty habit that can keep you from connecting to your true self.

Instead, when you look at others, look at the positive aspects rather than focusing on what you don't like. I recently coached a woman who said she would see other couples who looked happy and she would feel bad about herself. I encouraged her to try looking at what she appreciated in the couples. After doing this for a couple weeks she met a man who she is still with today. When we focus on love and what we want, rather than resisting it, we can attract the type of romance we truly desire.

Celebrate You

The most important relationship is not the one you will have with a partner but the one with yourself. If you are single it could be a blessing. You can use this time to cultivate a deeper sense of self-love and awareness. Just because you are "alone" on Valentine’s Day doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Remember that Valentine’s Day is just another day, and soon enough the focus will be on the next holiday.

Instead of dreading the holiday, use the time to literally "be your own Valentine." Do what you love and treat yourself like the awesome person you really are.

You can feel love by tapping into your own self worth and doing what you love.  When you are single, it is a perfect time to start checking off your bucket list goals. You could book a solo-trip to that place you have always wanted to go, even learn a new language, or even take that cooking class. Now is the best time to do what you love, and do it daily for unlimited happiness.